Sludge, Sweet Sludge

Jeremy's Special Tuna Recipe

I recently graduated college and moved to Orange County for work. Here’s a silly little something I wrote over the two weeks I spent back at home in Colorado.

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I’m getting really into mindfulness these days.

I graduated college only a few weeks ago, and in the time since then, I’ve been working to build a consistent routine—one that maximizes productivity and grounds me in my surroundings. I loved every moment of my undergraduate days, so it’s absolutely essential that I stay positive and motivated while navigating the next chapter of my life, lest I languish in the weeds of quarter-life malaise. Fortunately, I’ve developed a schedule that allows me to stay as present as possible: mind clear, faculties intact.

The first step towards mindful living is giving your body the right amount of sleep. Since coming back home to Colorado, I’ve been careful not to interfere with my internal rhythms, avoiding alarm clocks or anything else that could disrupt the tranquility of my slumber. This usually means I wake up well past noon, a cool fourteen hours of rest under my belt. The notion that humans need to get up early to be productive is antiquated at best and destructive at worst—I can get so much more done when I wake up at 2:00 P.M.!

Even after waking up, I’ll usually stay in bed for a good hour or two. This is my “brain nourishment time,” where I connect with my community and catch up on global happenings. Most days, this involves alternating between Instagram and TikTok until I feel my legs go numb: that’s a sign from my body that it’s time to become vertical. I find this time to be particularly healing, as it allows me to take part in the digital exchange of information, keeping me cultured and informed. I also get to practice radical acceptance when I see just how many of my peers are spending their summers away on lavish European vacations. Good for them, I say. Good for them.

Once I’m up and on my feet, I take a long, hot shower. It’s a period of sacred pause, where I sit with my thoughts and just let myself be. If, while reflecting on the relentless passage of time, a tear rolls down my cheek? I let it roll. I hold space for that. Some days I turn the lights off and assume the fetal position on the bathtub floor, where I deep breathe until my stomach grumbles, alerting me that it’s time for my mid-day nourishment. I hold space for that, too. I towel off on the toilet, using the time it takes to dry to look at Instagram again. And as I dress myself, I feel grateful for what a high-vibrational life I get to live.

Lunch is where everything comes together: the foundation of my routine, of my well-being. I’ve adopted a new diet where I center nutrients and vitamins and decenter seed oils, preservatives, microplastics, and fluoride. This change has come as a surprise to those who are close to me, who knew me as something of a glutton. Some have even expressed concern at my modified diet. I have nothing to say to them anymore. Their version of Jeremy has died; the new version of Jeremy eats nothing but “sludge.”

Sludge

Prep time: 5 minutes

Total time: 5 minutes

Serves one

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Ingredients

• 1–2 packets or cans of tuna

• 3–4 healthy dollops of mayonnaise

• Sriracha, to taste

• Lemon juice, to taste

Instructions

1. Assemble ingredients on the kitchen counter. On the Food Network, they call this “mise en place.”

2. Get distracted by your cell phone. Lie down on the couch. Maybe take a nap?

3. Return to the kitchen. Realize that you’ve left the mayo jar open on the counter.

4. Google “how long can i leave jar of mayo not in fridge.” Wince at the results.

5. Return the mayo to the refrigerator. That’s a problem for another day.

6. Deposit the tuna in a bowl. Make sure you get all the tuna juice (oil?) in there too.

7. Squirt sriracha into the bowl. Realize you’re all out of lemon juice. Substitute lime juice.

8. Mash.

9. Serve.

I’m at my best when I eat my sludge. The tuna—an excellent source of complete protein—supplies my body with omega-3 fatty acids, reducing my triglyceride levels and improving my cognitive function. The lime juice contains flavonoids that fight oxidative stress. The capsaicin in the sriracha has thermogenic properties, boosting my metabolism and supporting fat oxidation. The mayonnaise probably also does something good for me, I think.

I’ve been making this recipe since the COVID days—and was known to conjure up the occasional bowl in Frank Dining Hall—but today, as I lick the bowl clean, it takes on new meaning. It occurs to me that a happy and intentional life has nothing to do with your job title, your social circle, or your five-year plan: true wellbeing is achieved through ingesting a dangerous amount of mercury on a daily basis. A deep shiver takes hold of my body, and I think it’s one of relief. The world has opened up before me. If this isn’t wellness, I don’t know what is.

The rest of the day is dedicated to Youtube video essays, with the occasional break for a half-hearted Instagram scroll. Dinner will probably be a bowl of sludge, which I’ll eat over the sink a little past midnight. When I climb back into bed, tummy full of tuna, it will briefly occur to me that I won’t be able to live like this forever, as the mindful lifestyle isn’t compatible with the 9-5 work schedule. These moments of worry are fleeting: if nothing else, I can always keep my sludge in the communal fridge. My coworkers are going to love it.

Spicy Sludge—May 30, 2025

Gloopy Sludge—September 24, 2020

Chunky Sludge—July 7, 2021